Hi everyone
I had some very interesting insights about expectations that I thought I'd share with you. I was just meditating on this, that when you expect someone to do something, or be there for you, etc, that you are creating a subtle pressure on them to come over to your world, be in your shoes, understand how you feel and act accordingly. Of course, it's lovely when that happens, but it can so easily lead to upset when it doesn't, and how easy then is it to turn it into ... they don't love me ... I'm not important ... I will never get my needs met.
We all know it's up to us to fulfil ourselves, to effectively meet our own needs, and in sharing this with others it's like a dance of synergies of how different people come together, at times in a supportive way, at times in a disjoint way.
The thing is, when you place expectations on another, it puts them back into their world of what you are asking of them. They have to then decide (usually subconsciously) whether they can shift their focus to that place where they can release their own needs in that moment, to consider the space they need to be in, to meet yours. None of which has anything to do with what you've asked for!
You see, if your expectation is to feel loved, and you ask this of someone else, it's all about them and whether they can cultivate that space or not. It has nothing to do, when expectations are involved, about you actually giving love to yourself.
It is actually counter-productive. The people we are with want to love us, it's biological. But as soon as we need them to, it's not our own feeling of love anymore, and we lose that ability to find that feeling inside.
The way to get what you want is not to have expectations around it, but to ask for what you want, to cultivate it, to generate it, to receive those feelings that are there.
As soon as you put it onto another person, it's game over!
If they are empathetic, they will do there best to help you to find those feelings in yourself, but it is only a temporary state until you can achieve that state of happiness in yourself.
Know that the people in your life love you, and will do their best. Work on releasing all those pressures (expectations) that make them prove it to you. It is always our subconscious programming that creates internal pressures and expectations, and these have come from things in past that we haven't worked through yet.
If you know your expectations of others to fulfil your needs are stopping you from really feeling loved, I'd love to help you with that. We can work on step-by-step dealing with your most troublesome expectations and re-integrating them into you so that you are free to be whole and complete.
With love,
Dianna
